Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
