Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
