Duck Duck Cougar?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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