I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
