My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
