Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
