party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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