Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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