She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
