i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
