Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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