i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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