he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
