Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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