i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
