Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize