I understand Curling. That high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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