Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
