I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
