you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
