May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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