Your face is a jimmy john
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
