My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize