I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
