I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
