Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
