I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
