I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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