I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
