Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
