dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize