I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
