I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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