closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize