Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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