When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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