Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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