I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
