I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
