Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize