In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
