If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
