and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
