when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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