I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
