it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
