OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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