Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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