I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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