is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
