Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
