He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
