I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
