i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
