Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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