Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
