Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize