the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
