hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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