3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Someone signed my nipple.
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