the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
