once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize