Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
