So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
