Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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