just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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