So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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